Friday, October 10, 2014

Week #76: Mom's Death (10.06.14 - 10.12.14)

So the whole thing according to my dad happened this way: they went on the Toy Story Manie ride over Hollywood Studios, and that ride is known to have sudden moves and to spin a lot (she beat my dad, lol). When she got off she felt her smile look funny, then her arm went numb. She decided to go to the bathroom along with my dad and she collapsed inside. My dad rushed to get help and they are driven by ambulance to the hospital near Disney. In the ambulance my mom told my dad "I'm going to die" and that part breaks my heart in the tiniest pieces every time. She knew she was not going to make it. I sometimes wander what were her last thoughts... I wonder if she thought of me finishing the race or me at all... 

Honestly this whole week was a blur... Tia Melissa, Vicki and Tia Gia (Tia Giselle's sister) came by and thank the heavens they did. Without their support I wouldn't have gone through this process with half a smile in my face. My mom's scar was humongous, it looked like serpent and was stapled, I would say it look more like an S for Stacy. We rotated the sleep at the hospital, but every night I stayed. Towards the last nights me and my aunt would stay every single night straight. My mom wouldn't wake up and wouldn't follow commands such as squeezing hand or wiggling toes. However I swear there was a moment in which she caressed my hand with her thumb. 

The struggle was knowing that if she would wake she would not live a good life yet we all wanted her to wake up. There was a moment in which we thought she was going to wake up and we all went crazy and started talking to her and stimulating her limbs but nothing. 

I brought Max and let my mom sleep with him. I did it because of the time I got the wisdom teeth taken out, she came and pick me up with Max riding shotgun. I looked at her like I'm too old for these but the minute I grabbed Max I hugged him until I got to my room. She just knew me... 

Monday after the surgery I went to USF thinking I could do the semester in this situation, I went to Calculus class but when I came back I broke down. I started crying and hyperventilating and then I got the news that we were to chose the next day to put my mom off the breather. We decided that the next day and that night my sun and I stayed with her. Initially it was only going to be my aunt but I decided to be there too since I know my mom would have never left my side. My aunt told me I was really brave and that made me feel so good. That was the best night I had, we talked and talked about funny and happy memories. I felt good because I have so many good memories with my mom. 

Her breathing was starting to decrease and we honestly thought she was going to leave us that night. She didn't, her breathing strengthen by the next morning. It lasted like that for the next couple of days. One time though, I noticed she stopped breathing and ran to her and we all saw how her eyes open and her eye balls rolled and went white and she gave her last breath. We thought that was it but then she started breathing again. 

My grandma and aunt decided to make my mom look pretty (prettier) by doing her hair and cleaning her up. And after that my mom passed. My aunt told us that my mom shed a tear after they finished her hair, and she passed away a couple of hours after that. I like to think that she waited until she looked pretty (prettier) to take off and that makes me smile. 

She will never see me cross that 10 Miler finish line, never see me graduate or attend my wedding... She will always be in my heart though, always. 

But what makes me most happy from all this chaos is that her last memories, places and people where in Disney, her favorite place of all time, with me and my dad, her favorite people. Her last full night was in Fantasmic and it just fills my heart. It fills my heart how she just loves going to the parks even if she doesn't go on several of the rides. She just loves that feeling and I love that about her. I love everything about her and I will never stop loving her or thinking about her. 

Ana Isabel Siu Chan
June 27th, 1960 - October 9th 2014