Sunday, October 26, 2014

Week #78: MOM'S FUNERAL (10.20.14 - 10.26.14)

Monday was the second intensive cleaning day, I was awoken by some really loud thunders very early in the morning and because of the heavy rain my grandma and company came a little later. We worked all day and successfully finished the dinning room, living room and part of the kitchen completely. I also picked up Patty from school so she could help too. There was a moment I got so mad at my grandma because she asked me about a pair of old curtains that looked 20 years old and I told her to give it away and she insisted not to because "I didn't know when I would need it again..." I mean, we already have curtains glued with tape and we don't even need curtains and then she drew the conclusion that I was getting rid of all of my mom's stuff just because she died... She literally said "your mom died and now it's a clean slate"... Of course not... She exaggerates every single thing and I'm so pissed. How dare she know how I feel, and what I'll need in the future. How dare she think she knows my mom's housing style better than the living thing she created that lived here her whole life. This process is hard enough without people talking on your back saying your in a certain stage, saying you are not crying enough or saying you don't look like you care. I'm so pissed that all that attention towards me is taking attention from my mom. I'm fine on my own and if I need help I know I am to seek it. I don't need people getting in my life dictating what they think I should be feeling and acting like. After all the chaos and after the smoke cleared, my grandpa brought my mom's ashes and we walked her around the house. She's currently sitting on the front table with candles, pictures, and roses. Nobody saw this but I sneak in the jewelry set she wore on one of her pictures, a picture of her and me in my graduating gown and the little mule key chain she brought me from Santorrini, Greece into the urn. And all that is accompanied as well with a virgin plaque. I put the necklace in because right now I'm wearing my mom's favorite jade necklace, and the one I put in her urn is the only one I ever gave to her as a present and it's Swarovski. So in a sentimental way it's like we exchanged necklaces and that warms my heart.

Mom's funeral was on Tuesday, so I woke up and put on some make up and got dressed. We got to the church an hour before start time, that is around 10 am, and there were people already there. I thought I was going to be the first one there but Tia Marilu and other people where there. Today I received around 200 (?) hugs, and half of them from people I don't know. I was apprehensive about how many people would attend but there was no empty bench in that church. A lot of my high school classmates came (Gaby, Jose, Themis, Carolina, Victor, Luis Felipe, Alfonso, Zhanzhy, Shey, Raysa, Yeitzel, and more) that's more than I imagined. But also people I thought would show me support did not go. Vivianne told me she wouldn't be able to go because of something she had to do in the university but she showed up, Vivianne has been my rock these past days; same with Rod and Jose. Several of Las Tias showed up as well, and I would always tear up when they'd hug me because I consider them as mother figures too. I gave my speech, and I received a couple of compliments, I find that giving something to laugh in a moment like this helps and they certainly laughed. There was a part I said "I can say with confidence that I was my mom's favorite daughter". The day also started like a cliche funeral day, it was drizzling. I was looking for a rainbow so I could mention in my speech that my mom was watching over us through the rainbow but it never came, but maybe she doesn't need to be rainbow shaped to be with us, maybe she's with us right now showing no sign. After the funeral our close family gathered for lunch at Lai Chin. And I was a little annoyed at Xiomy because she invited somebody we didn't know, somebody my mom certainly did not know and she sat in my table. She was talking freely like nothing bad had happened and didn't even presented herself to me. She only acknowledged Luis and Patty, like WTF... She even packed the left overs to take home and paused us while eating to pray. I was so steamed I think I gave a mean look but I don't care. How dare she come to a close lunch for somebody we all but her love. Somebody she didn't even know... I'm pissed at Xiomy. She did the same thing with Patty in her Quinceanos, she invited a bunch of teenager who didn't even know Patty and took all the cake-pops and good candy... Going back on topic, for dinner we all went to the Sheraton hotel because I wanted to give my mom a fancy dinner. The food was good, they had asparagus soup and I go crazy for that. Then later that night after all the chaos vanished I skyped with Alex and it was so relaxing and something I definitely needed.

Wednesday was the continuation of the cleaning process, but before the crew arrived to my house I dreamed about mom yet again, something to do with her social security payments but I really can't remember it at all. We cleaned the kitchen this time and it turned out pretty great, Apo took a nap in the middle of the day and so did everybody but Cristy. There was a funny moment when Tia Yiya said she'd to go to the bathroom but went to hers three floors down and didn't come back until hours later, lol we all know what happened (my guess is that she took a nap just like her sister). For dinner we went to El Prado and I had a delicious Sancocho <3

You know what hurts the most from my mom's death? She'll never be a grandma, she'll never babysit my kids and pamper them as much as she pampered me... And that's the thing that hurts the most, because I'm a 100% sure she would have been the perfect Apo. Back to the week, Thursday was day 4 of intensive cleaning and today we attacked the storage closet as well as the maid's room. We then went for dinner at a Peruvian restaurant and I came back home to film a part of my next Youtube video. Also, can you believe Patty has never watched Harry Potter?! I have no little cousin anymore until she watches it, I'm serious.

Friday was a fun day, after a light cleaning day just comprising of getting rid of all of Agrupa's stuff, my true good friends came over! Jose, Vivianne and Rod came over. At first we were going to go out to eat but I didn't really wanna go out, plus if we go out the thing is over after you finish eating so they came to my house instead. We found some money in our house that belonged to somebody else who never came to claim it after two years and we had +$80 in our hands for food. We spent $79 on sushi! We obviously didn't finish but it was really nice for those people to never come and have fed us tonight :) After eating we just chilled and they stayed at my house until 1 am and I was so so so tired. I practically kept falling asleep every 5 minutes. I think I haven't recovered from all the tiredness from the hospital having to wake up early all these days to clean up my house and to do errands.

On Saturday dad woke me up like half an hour before leaving... Talk about getting used to living without mom. Specially dad's driving, omg, I thought I was going to die like three times! I remember how much I used to criticize my mom's slow driving but dad's is just insane! Anyway, only Tia Marilu and Patty came for lunch because my grandpa was not feeling very good. I always thought my grandpa was the one that was not going to see me graduate, but it was my mom... After lunch, dad and I went grocery shopping because we were going to host dinner to celebrate our new cleaned house; however, we had to change location to my grandpa's house because he was still feeling ill. We had a really good time as a family and the food was really good. We, and by we I mean my dad, Tia Marilu and Xiomy, cooked a really great meal. We had fried chicken, carimañola, patacones and sausage.

On Sunday we had a mass dedicated to my mom at Santa Marta at noon so we went, a lot of people attended as well including the Robles and Gretta. Everyone's support has been overwhelming in the greatest of ways and I could not be more thankful. After mass, La Tribu and El Clan (Enrique, Tio Poncho, Waikit, etc.) went for lunch together to El Trapiche. We had a delightful lunch with lots of laughs. After lunch my dad wanted to have dinner as a family just like the day before so we went grocery shopping to buy supplies. We bought steak and I also bought some vegetables to make some juice because Apo has a juicer. On the way to Apo's, dad and I had a fight... He wanted me to learn how to pay the utility bill but I was complaining because he's supposed to be the adult in charge and he should have a clue on where to start, all I wanted was for us to do it together and not for him to delegate it as a homework... he literally said "you have homework" and I was pissed because when I told him why wouldn't he help me at least by giving me the utility company or the account number he started saying that he would live by himself with no help from me whatsoever in the future... He's so extremist, gosh. At Apo's, Tia Marilu taught me how to make the payments online and thankfully I had my mom's user name and password in her old cellphone so my dad and I were in better terms after that but geez, I don't want to deal with him when it comes to things like these... I miss my mom's lightness on topics like these and her sense of ownership on errands. She was just so good at everything.