This whole weekend I've been excited to finally put my hands on my new iPad Mini, the moment I saw that the package was finally delivered on Monday morning I went nuts. What bothers me is that the Mailing Office has not sent me an email telling me to pick it up so my patience is running low. Also last night was a tough night, I had to literally count sheep to fall asleep (I counted over 200). I finally got my iPad, a 128 GB iPad Mini and uploaded my stuff that only left 31 GB left from the 128 GB! The rest of the day was A REALLY CRAPPY DAY! I went to the office hours of my calculus II professor, to get extra points on my second test and I wasn't really ready and he got really mad and started to frustrate with me. In one of the questions he asked what method to use for a certain integral but I didn't know what he meant with method, and he screamed at me writing the word method in capital letters while yelling it slowly... If I had to award the worst professor in the history of universities I would grant him the honor... I left his office crying and got a call from my mom, I finally told her that I couldn't keep up with engineering any more and I was streaming water currents down my cheeks. I don't see why my mom makes me get an engineering degree if I don't like the career itself and the subjects to make it. I tried looking up for other majors in USF (Architecture and Graphic Design), but it was useless. Architecture was only a master's program, and for graphic design I need to apply with a portfolio. I tried to focus in the library after my meltdown but I couldn't... I texted Jose David later for support and he is such a great friend, I love him with all my heart. I offered to help me with calc and was so sweet about it! He might be one of the best, if not, friend I've ever had. So selfless and loving he is. I wanted to Skype with Rod... I told him I needed him, but he told me no because he had to go to sleep... That really hurt my feelings.
It's Tuesday and I still feel crappy from what happen Monday, maybe things will get better. It's not the end of the world right? If I fail I can take the class again over the summer... I just feel stupid, that's all. Every minute I'm alone, watching Netflix or doing nothing I feel guilty because that might be the reason of my failures, but I try to remind myself that this me-time is extremely important. However, doesn't matter how many times I tell myself... I keep beating myself up and my eyes keep watering. This is definitely the worst week of this whole term... I feel so stupid, useless, and good for nothing. Everyone around me is getting good grades, and is easy for them to focus; they want to be engineers in the future because that's what they love. When I grow up, I'll let my children decide to study whatever they want; because this right here is not worth it. My mom after offering yesterday to fly over here because of my sadness, gave me the chance to change majors, but from the list of majors in USF I couldn't find a single thing I'd like. If I wanted to really pursue my dreams I would have to change schools, and that would be a shame because of the great pricing due to my scholarship here. This topic just keeps going on and on in my head, beating the guilt out of me. I wish I hadn't rejected the offer my mom made to come visit me. I rejected it because in a couple of week I'll be in Panama for Patty's 15th birthday party and my dad would kill my mom if she just came to visit because I was sad. I had never cried like that in front of my mom, I must have triggered her motherly instinct. My eyes are watering right now just thinking about all of this, I really want my mommy here.
On Wednesday I had a quiz on economics, and the professor never told us like he usually does. I did well, but I missed one question because I skipped it unintentionally! I have everything else right and that infuriates me! I could've gotten a 100 on that week. I just feel that it seems as if I can't catch a break this week. I just want really to take the next semester off and just relax you know... So now I'm intrigued in the whole computer engineer thingy, it got me thinking and I research a little bit about it and I really liked it. I remember in high school programming HTML and it was really fun, I even like it more than industrial engineering because this means that I could work for big companies like Apple or Google or even create apps! So after more than a week and a half without doing laundry I finally succumbed. The load was huge and well... you know: the struggle.
On Thursday I had planned a calculus date with Courtney to learn everything we haven't but at last minute she had to go pick up her brother... So I took in the extra hours of sleep and relaxed a little. Then I went for a run and ran over 6 km! :3 That really brightens my day. Then I showered and headed out to the library to work on math. I got some Pollo Tropical for dinner and then returned to the library. I feel quite proud of myself for practicing so much and having long term focus sessions. I'm also loving my iPad mini :D I've been playing Hay Day and watching my YouTube videos here while studying.
On Friday I woke up at 8:30 am to meet up with Ricardo to help him with economics, we met in a room at the MSC. It's the first time I've ever been in one of those rooms. I explained as much as I could because he only had until 10:50, I really hope he does well on the midterm on Monday. I also biked to Target to buy an iPad cover, a stylus and since I was there I bought makeup for Patty's birthday and for some YouTube videos I'm planning to do when I get back :3 What also surprised me about the makeup I bought was that the Elf brand, everthying was under $3! And I got a pretty cool lip color which is the red in the picture below. I also forgot to go out on a run! :'( I really wanted to... The rest of the day I finished Pokemon on Netflix and skyped with Rod :)
Uff Monday! Three more days until I'm free for spring break! Lately, Armando hasn't being showing up to the economics class... I just hope he doesn't fail because of that. I got my economics test back today, I got a 70 and I have mixed feeling in whether feel bad that I'm average or be happy that I didn't fail haha. After physics I went to the library and studied for my leadership midterm and finished my physics homework! Also on the way to the library I encountered the cutest ducklings ever haha. For dinner I went to Champion's Choice and had two small dishes of greens and tofu, it's been a while since I've had salad. Bored at night I decided to log into my Pottermore account, to see what's up; turns out it's a really cool site. The first time I tried it I got put in Slytherin, and now I'm in Ravenclaw. Honestly, I'd have preferred Slytherin haha.
I had a rough night Monday night, I ended up falling asleep at around 3 am. And it wasn't easy because Kaitlyn got back around 2 am and she was making noises and hitting her head against the pillow to "fall asleep". I had to shushed her because it was stressing me out all the noise. I had my physics lab midterm and it was kind of a consensus test to know the status of our university or something. I really like these kind of tests because it reminds me of the physics olympics back in high school, those are some of me proudest memories back in the day. I got out of the leadership class because we had a midterm today, and I decided to go on a run. I feel so bad! I ran less than 3.5 km, and I felt so tired all the time. I think I felt tired because I haven't been eating as much, and because I went for a run when the sun was shining rather than going when it's sunset. Then I went to Publix because maybe the reason I didn't perform well was because I haven't had any bananas or green smoothies lately because I finished all my groceries from last week. Every time I go shop my wish for having a car increases more and more, and can't keep up with the struggle anymore. Since I felt bad from my run and because I ate Reese's (oopsie) I did a bunch of sets in my room, and also decided to yet again, start the raw diet.
On Wednesday I decided to start eating healthier, and I had a raw lunch (bunch of bananas). Physics class was so boring! We watched a documentary about how to use a pocket watch to determine longitude while at sea... it was one hour long. I went for a run since I couldn't complete the whole set on Tuesday and thank God I completed it today :)
When I woke up on Thursday it was raining cats and dogs, I also got a text message warning about tornadoes! But at the end the warning was cleared and we all went back to normal. I had the brilliant idea of going out for a run in the poring rain... bad, bad, BAD idea. I didn't run as much because of the rain so that means another failed workout :( I came back soaking wet and showered to get ready for a job interview I had at INTO USF and it went well, I really hope I stood out since it was a group interview. I had Pollo Tropical for dinner, and I'm still doing my one raw meal a day and today's was a green smoothie for breakfast. I really want to look nice for spring break but I feel that I've lost all my motivation :( and I don't know what to do to regain it, I was in such a good track. I JUST FEEL SO FAT! :'( last week I felt slim and very confident, I don't know what to do with my life anymore :( I feel like Momo haha.
One thing I will not miss this spring break week is waking up to the sound of Kaitlyn getting ready, or Carmen changing the trash bins, or Olivia and Abby talking like there was nobody here sleeping; how inconsiderate. Friday morning I woke up to all three of them... First to Kaitlyn and I went back to sleep, then to Carmen and I went back to sleep again, but Olivia and Abby were the cherry on top that woke me up... I'm so pissed. I went for a run after hours of nothing to do and ran more than 4.5 km! I decided to take a run in the sidewalk instead of the trail because I was getting sick of the trail. After the run I decided to stop by Fresh Foods to get ingredients for my smoothie and ended up eating two slices of pizza LOL, guess I deserved them haha.
I also received my certificate for being part of the National Society of Collegiate Scholars :)
On Monday I was so tired because of the sleep deprivation I had from the weekend. I searched for a couple of online jobs because I want to earn some extra money, I hope I get the job; they are translator and transcribing jobs. I made myself go to math class since I missed the last one, and damn this shit is hard. I also received two packages today, some clothes from Forever 21 (got myself a unicorn onesie!) and the last gift from Patty's surprise birthday present :)
On Tuesday I had no physics lab so I went for a run. I ran 3.22 km (my farthest run) and I was giving up halfway through, I finished though. I was texting with Ale about being fit and stuff, I'm glad I have a friend on the same boat as me :) After leadership class I headed to the library with a couple of bananas, a Ziploc with popcorn and a water bottle to do some school work. I finished my economics homework, and studied for the quiz, but I had a hard time focusing in physics. Instead, I used my time to google future Disney Marathons which is definitely a must for me in the future. I'm gonna ask Courtney if she'd like to join me, if not, I guess I'll go by myself. And to wrap up the evening I saw Frozen for the first time, it was an okay movie. I liked it but it felt like it needed more material, more loops or whatever.
On Wednesday I had the "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" song from Frozen stuck in my head, I was driving Ricardo mad haha. I also did awesome on the quiz! I got the practical question right! A good way to start the day. I also got a call from Alex, which was nice since I kind of miss her and it makes me feel needed :) I feel confident that I didn't get an F in my physics exam if that helps XD I was struggling at first but after a couple of tries I got the answers in the multiple choice. I also officially registered in the Disney's 10 Miler run this October 4th! I also book the hotel and everything :3 I'm gonna stay at the Disney's All-Star Movie Resort, so far I'm going by myself though. I also got a reply on a job application I sent to work at INTO USF, I'm not really sure what the job was about because I applied to several all at once but I think I know which is it. I have a group interview next week :)
On Thursday I woke up early, 9 am, to go for a run. Gosh, this run beat me up man, I was so tired. I have this pain on my right side whenever I run and I don't know what it is but it's a sharp pain. After my run I went to Publix to grab some groceries. I was planning on going to Busch Gardens but the day is so gloomy today, it's 13 degrees outside. I spent the rest of my day watching Harry Potter and being a silly cat :3 I checked the tracking on the headphones I bought from Target because a couple of days ago it went from Orlando to Jacksonville which was very odd; today it says it's in Atlanta! I got so mad and call every available costumer service, at the end I got my rerun back... But I really wanted those headphones for this weekend. Guess I'll have to go to Target to see if they have them. And at around 10 pm my mom and dad called me to talk about our trips this summer, thank God I'm still going to Italy this summer (I'm so happy in the inside!). Instead of traveling Europe we are going to travel through Asia since my dad really wants to travel to China.
I woke up early on Friday to go see the Lego Movie with Courtney! We had fun, and the movie was bleh/ok. After that we went to Pollo Tropical since Courtney has never been there! And then we went to Target because I had to buy the earbuds that don't fall off your ears when running, she bought an auxiliary cable so we listened to disney classics on our way back; we also each bought a packet of Jelly Beans, and at first I was like mmm I don't know why I didn't like them as a kid, but then the strange flavors came over and ugfwkjkduw :S.
