Week #49: RENAISSANCE FAIR! (03.31.14 - 04.04.14)

On Monday I woke up very tiredly. I've been having problems when going to sleep, and I think it's due to stress. Remember the guy I told you about? Sam? Yeah, we are still talking as friends and I think he's pretty cool :) It would be really nice to have a close friend that lives on campus. I had an economics test today and I think I did pretty good, I just hope to raise my GPA on that class to a B or something. Physics was really boring, and after class I bought myself some Subway and went to the library to study some calculus before Courtney came over to study physics. We had a practice test and we solved it, so I'm hoping we are well prepared. I decided to skip calculus II because I'm so done with that guy, the simple thought of him just makes me wanna destroy little ponies and the happiness around me... Yeah, that's how that #@%!^ guy makes me feel.

Tuesday was a good day because I had my last physics lab of the semester! Although physics lab wasn't much of a struggle it helps me conceptualize the few weeks left of this semester. Leadership class was fun, today's topic was change and they totally mixed up the groups and I had so much fun. Leadership class feels more like a 3 hour recess where you have fun and learn about yourself at the same time. There after I went on a run, I was feeling very tired because the night before I only got to sleep roughly 4 hours. I just couldn't sleep, I didn't feel tired at all. Despite the tiredness, I ran what I had planned; 6.50 km. I then changed and went to the library and practice tons of calculus while eating the pizza delivered here. William came to me and asked if I could do him a favor and since he was here I gave him the remanning of my pizza so it wouldn't go to waste. I worked as hard as my mind went, and I'm pretty proud of myself. 

On Wednesday I had totally forgotten that I had a physics exam, I had studied with Courtney earlier but I was not mentally prepared for it. When I got in I saw the scantron in the big screen and people with it on their desks and I thought it was from the previous class but I noticed that they were all blank. Then I saw the people that usually sit on my row with scantrons and I was like 'oh shit'. I feel like a did good, I got the numbers right, so let's hope they are actually right. I went to calculus for the first time in like a week or so and actually understood what that old man was talking about, later I went to his office hours to talk about the second exam for another shot at the extra points, at the end he told me how to solve it because I had no idea, and now I don't know if he gave me or not the 3.5 points I needed to get a 50%. Then I asked him a question about my project, and he told me it was a good question which made me feel great because nobody had ever told me that I had asked a good question. I then left to the library a little confused as to if I had gotten the 3.5 points and couldn't focus so I went back to my dorm and just read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

I was excited for Thursday because of my advisor appointment. I had to ask some important questions, including changing majors which I did. I'm officially a computer engineering major! I asked him about the calculus II class, if I fail it I can replace it with a better grade if I take it over the summer but that doesn't secure my spot on a calculus III class over fall. I talked to my mom and she says just to try to get to a C, if I fail well there's nothing we could do and I would come for the summer term. At 2 pm I had a meeting with Justin Fitzgerald from the Leadership program because he's my coach and I learned a lot of valuable things. He helped me with my leadership philosophy which he loved, and also with my resume. Then I biked to Walgreen's and Target to buy my aunt's medicine and a pair of earbuds because I lost the ones I had :'( I also bought Patty some easter candy to put in her birthday basket :) Her gift is going to be epic. I also noticed I was getting weird stuff on my feet because I've been running. They are not blisters but more like empty blisters? Or circles where my skin is peeling off? Well, I bought some band-aids for that as well. So I just ran 7 km! I'm so freaking happy, but when I got here I noticed I got a blister in my second to last toe :( It doesn't really bother me but that means that now I need to get running socks... Which are kind of expensive. 

On Friday I woke up early to go to a Renaissance Fair with Courtney and one of her friends! It was really fun and it had a lot of stuff to do! I did archery with an arrow and a bow and it's harder than it looks like, I also did the throwing knife thing and I actually got the knife stuck in the wood! I got a champion sticker because of that :) I had chicken and chips for lunch while Courtney had a turkey leg. We saw several shows that were actually really good, I was surprised by that. The bad thing is that it was hot as hell! Gosh, why am I in Florida... Then I went to Publix to buy some groceries and when I got back I decided to register in a run for this month since I can run 7k :) So I registered for the 22nd Annual Hare Racing Experience which will be here in USF in the Track and Field stadium and it's 5k, what worries me is that I can't run 5k straight, I need a little walking break in between but when registering there were two options: runner or walker. So I guess it'd be okay to walk :)

LETTER TO FUTURE SELF - Read in 2020

Hi Stacy,

It's April 1st 2014 and it's 3:07 AM. I can't sleep right now due to the shit load of stress I'm under. I just wanted to know if all the stress and sleep depravation I went through was worth it in the future. I really feel lost right now, just decided to change majors to Computer Engineering, I'm failing Calculus II and for the first time IN MY LIFE I'm really working hard to get good grades (working hard = working hard for real). Shame it took me half of a semester to realize that I should have started studying at the beginning. 

My roommate, Kaitlyn, is sleeping right now. Just a few minutes ago I was outside reading Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire just to see if I could fall asleep. I couldn't. I made a list of the things I have to do this week and the next to see if that would relieve my stress and it didn't. Should I just stay awake? I've never stayed up this late without feeling sleepy or tired. 

Well Stacy, I just hope you are doing awesome and that you are no longer lost as I am. Hope you sleep good tonight unlike me. 

Love, 

Me

HAPPY 100th BIRTHDAY!

Today my great-grandma, Atai as we great grandchildren call her, turns 100! I can't believe it. She's the first born of all her 8 (or 9?) brothers and sisters, and looks like she's the healthiest of all, thank God. She used to baby sit me when I was younger and she was always very kind to me. While my older cousins neglected me for being the youngest, she came and played with me. 
I remember once Cristy, Yoyi and I were playing with some building blocks and I didn't know how to put them together. My cousins, mean as they were didn't want to teach me; then my great-grandma came to the room and she taught me. That might be the most colorful memory I have of her. 
What I love about my great-grandma right now is that even though she's old, and can't walk as she used to, she's still happy and says hi to children and smiles at strangers. Even in her grumpy days she always takes a laugh out of you. 

Happy 100th Birthday Felicia!

CHANGING MAJORS

I'm a very undecided person, and when it comes to choosing my major I think that was the most important thing I had to choose. However, I was biased. Biased by the amount of people studying engineering, by the expectations people had about me (specially because I had a silver medal from physics olympics), pressure from both my mom and dad wanting me to pursue a career in a strong field. Now that I've finally cracked under the pressure and my mom has finally left me off the hook I have the freedom to choose whatever I want, and I had around a week and a half to choose due to my registration date. I looked into the college of architecture but it looks as they only offer a Master's program in USF. USF also doesn't have a graphic design major in tampa or industrial design, and I feel trapped because I have to stay here because of the good price. So I had to find the major I liked within the list USF has. I thought about Industrial Engineering, a little doubtful because it's kind of similar to Mechanical Engineering. But I really don't see myself doing the stuff an Industrial Engineering does. I know they have such a broad field of work at their disposal but I really don't like any of it. I started eyeing all the other engineerings; I liked the curriculum for Civil Engineering a lot, but I really don't see myself inspecting blue prints and stuff... So, I stumbled upon Computer Engineering. I never thought about being a computer engineering because I didn't consider myself a wiz at tech stuff, but a computer engineer doesn't only have to do with the hardware of a computer but also with the software. And I remember being good at programing in computer class at high school and I really liked it. So I decided to give it a try with computer engineering. Plus, computer engineering is the engineering with the highest rate of available jobs; yup, not industrial but computer engineering. And I would love to work at Apple, or Google, or work on a fun app or something. 

So that's all for now, wish me luck in my new major. Although I still need to declare it. 

And another note: It's okay to change majors if you don't feel comfortable doing what you do now, because what you study will be your area of expertise in the future and basically what you'll do your whole life from the minute you graduate. Just know that you need not worry about people's thoughts and opinions about you. You need not worry about people doubting you will make it in the field you choose. You need only worry about your happiness, and stability because that's what's really important. 

And here's a duck in the rain because it's raining right now ;)

Week #48: University Meltdown (03.24.14 - 03.28.14)

This whole weekend I've been excited to finally put my hands on my new iPad Mini, the moment I saw that the package was finally delivered on Monday morning I went nuts. What bothers me is that the Mailing Office has not sent me an email telling me to pick it up so my patience is running low. Also last night was a tough night, I had to literally count sheep to fall asleep (I counted over 200). I finally got my iPad, a 128 GB iPad Mini and uploaded my stuff that only left 31 GB left from the 128 GB! The rest of the day was A REALLY CRAPPY DAY! I went to the office hours of my calculus II professor, to get extra points on my second test and I wasn't really ready and he got really mad and started to frustrate with me. In one of the questions he asked what method to use for a certain integral but I didn't know what he meant with method, and he screamed at me writing the word method in capital letters while yelling it slowly... If I had to award the worst professor in the history of universities I would grant him the honor... I left his office crying and got a call from my mom, I finally told her that I couldn't keep up with engineering any more and I was streaming water currents down my cheeks. I don't see why my mom makes me get an engineering degree if I don't like the career itself and the subjects to make it. I tried looking up for other majors in USF (Architecture and Graphic Design), but it was useless. Architecture was only a master's program, and for graphic design I need to apply with a portfolio. I tried to focus in the library after my meltdown but I couldn't... I texted Jose David later for support and he is such a great friend, I love him with all my heart. I offered to help me with calc and was so sweet about it! He might be one of the best, if not, friend I've ever had. So selfless and loving he is. I wanted to Skype with Rod... I told him I needed him, but he told me no because he had to go to sleep... That really hurt my feelings. 

It's Tuesday and I still feel crappy from what happen Monday, maybe things will get better. It's not the end of the world right? If I fail I can take the class again over the summer... I just feel stupid, that's all. Every minute I'm alone, watching Netflix or doing nothing I feel guilty because that might be the reason of my failures, but I try to remind myself that this me-time is extremely important. However, doesn't matter how many times I tell myself... I keep beating myself up and my eyes keep watering. This is definitely the worst week of this whole term... I feel so stupid, useless, and good for nothing. Everyone around me is getting good grades, and is easy for them to focus; they want to be engineers in the future because that's what they love. When I grow up, I'll let my children decide to study whatever they want; because this right here is not worth it. My mom after offering yesterday to fly over here because of my sadness, gave me the chance to change majors, but from the list of majors in USF I couldn't find a single thing I'd like. If I wanted to really pursue my dreams I would have to change schools, and that would be a shame because of the great pricing due to my scholarship here. This topic just keeps going on and on in my head, beating the guilt out of me. I wish I hadn't rejected the offer my mom made to come visit me. I rejected it because in a couple of week I'll be in Panama for Patty's 15th birthday party and my dad would kill my mom if she just came to visit because I was sad. I had never cried like that in front of my mom, I must have triggered her motherly instinct. My eyes are watering right now just thinking about all of this, I really want my mommy here. 


On Wednesday I had a quiz on economics, and the professor never told us like he usually does. I did well, but I missed one question because I skipped it unintentionally! I have everything else right and that infuriates me! I could've gotten a 100 on that week. I just feel that it seems as if I can't catch a break this week. I just want really to take the next semester off and just relax you know... So now I'm intrigued in the whole computer engineer thingy, it got me thinking and I research a little bit about it and I really liked it. I remember in high school programming HTML and it was really fun, I even like it more than industrial engineering because this means that I could work for big companies like Apple or Google or even create apps! So after more than a week and a half without doing laundry I finally succumbed. The load was huge and well... you know: the struggle. 

On Thursday I had planned a calculus date with Courtney to learn everything we haven't but at last minute she had to go pick up her brother... So I took in the extra hours of sleep and relaxed a little. Then I went for a run and ran over 6 km! :3 That really brightens my day. Then I showered and headed out to the library to work on math. I got some Pollo Tropical for dinner and then returned to the library. I feel quite proud of myself for practicing so much and having long term focus sessions. I'm also loving my iPad mini :D I've been playing Hay Day and watching my YouTube videos here while studying. 

On Friday I woke up at 8:30 am to meet up with Ricardo to help him with economics, we met in a room at the MSC. It's the first time I've ever been in one of those rooms. I explained as much as I could because he only had until 10:50, I really hope he does well on the midterm on Monday. I also biked to Target to buy an iPad cover, a stylus and since I was there I bought makeup for Patty's birthday and for some YouTube videos I'm planning to do when I get back :3 What also surprised me about the makeup I bought was that the Elf brand, everthying was under $3! And I got a pretty cool lip color which is the red in the picture below. I also forgot to go out on a run! :'( I really wanted to... The rest of the day I finished Pokemon on Netflix and skyped with Rod :)