WHY DO PEOPLE HATE MONDAYS?

What have Mondays personally do to you? Yeah, I know, you have to go to work or school; but that's not Monday's fault, that's your government/boss/principal's fault. If Monday was a person, he/she would be pretty sad about all the hatred toward her (let's assume is a girl). I know I'm in good terms with Mondays right now because I've had a good one, but I do admit that I will hate it back again next week because I have two finals. 

The point is, Monday has done nothing intentionally to harm you. So stop intentionally harming her. Spreading negativity and disgust toward her will make it worse. Even though you are having a bad Monday (remember it's not Monday's fault), show a appreciation towards her because she gave you another day to do something for your life. 

We should all love Mondays, because she loves us. She puts up with all the hate she receives throughout the year (heck, every single minute), and still serves as the day we all get our shit done. She sacrificed her freedom for all the other days of the week, and accepted the wave of negativity so the other days could receive a little love from you. Think about it, thanks to Monday, Tuesdays are not that hated and it gradually grows until Sunday. 

Thank you Monday, for giving us a day to be productive and a reason to love all the other days of the week. Just don't forget, that although we speak badly about you, we still appreciate your existence. 

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT UNITL... YOU ARE IN COLLEGE

I miss the sunny days where the sun rays came through my window and woke me up, then my mom knocking on the door thinking I overslept and me telling her that I'm almost done. Pulling my purse from my BFF and LOL rack I've got hanging on my closes and grabbing my keys with the donkey keychain my mom got me from Greece. 
I come out running in the dark hallway, and meet my mom at the door. She's all ready waiting for me and asks me if I have my keys, wallet, and license. I say yes without even checking and my mom hugs me and waits until the elevator doors open to close our main door. 

That was morning routine with my mother, and although I sometimes thought it was awkward and too-much-mommy-like, I miss that. The thing I miss the most about studying abroad is my family. We are very close, we have lunch at least twice a week and never run out of topics in conversation. My grandpa always has this new project he's working on and my mom and aunt help him giving him opinions. My grandma listens quietly while keeping an eye on my great-grandmother since she's a little lost. Me and my cousins talk about what's trending right now, either be music, movies, or a new app or gadget. 

I miss those little lunch dates I had with my family, the impromptu family dinners when we all are craving something fancy. But I mostly miss my mom. She knows when I'm sad, she senses it and it breaks my heart that I break her heart. She's willing to swim every ocean to get to me if I'm feeling down (and I'm not kidding, she offered to fly out to Tampa when I told her how sad and miserable I was). 

I miss my comfy food, my bed, MY BATHROOM, the smell of my house, my friends, my TV, even my desk. The change of desks makes a huge difference in my studying routine. 

Anyway, I miss loads of things; but what I miss the most is my mom. She's my rock and although I never saw her that way when I was younger I do now. And I never miss the chance to tell her that I love her too and to text her or send her a silly picture because she keeps me ground and sane. 

You never know what you have until you go away to college, just be smart and don't let it go while abroad. Keep a tight hold on things and love ones and don't let go, ever. 

Truth About School

Why are we defined by test grades? Why are lecture classes three credits and three hour science labs one credit? I believe that science labs should be taken into greater account since in life our jobs won't be in any way similar to multiple choice questions, as an engineer our life will revolve around technical problems very similar to our laboratories where we will have to write reports and analyze our data using the concepts we learned in lecture classes rather than solving an unrealistic theoretical problem and picking the best answer out of four and being smart enough to avoid tricky questions. 

Engineers should be defined by laboratories instead of lecture classes, and I don't find it fair that our schools minimize labs credit hours and prioritize lecture classes. Either way, we are actually learning in our lab classes what we are supposed to learn in lecture classes, so why have tests at all?

MOM

If you don't love her, you won't love yourself. 
If you disrespect her, you'll disrespect yourself. 
If you wish her bad, you are wishing bad for yourself. 
Don't hate your mother, since you are the seed of her blossom. 

If you love her, you will love yourself. 
If you respect her, you will respect yourself. 
If you wish her good, she will make sure you are good and taken care of. 
Love your mother, she'd give the world for you. 

I love you Mom <3

OH HI! Yeah... I Remember You

You know one of those awkward moments when someone recognizes you in public and you don't have a clue as to who they are? Yup. That happened to me yesterday and the MSC Food Court. 
I was in line to get some Panda Express, yummy, and I was behind two Asian girls. I kept looking at her (discreetly, kind of) because I kind of recognized her face but I had no clue from where. I thought it was from an engineering club and her name was Di Li, wrong was I. 

Her: OMG! Stacy! I thought that was you!
Me: Oh hi! (big pause between oh and hi trying to remember her name)
Her: So how's it going?
Me: Good, are you still going to the meetings? (thinking she was from the engineering club)
Her: Oh, the lunches? No, have you?
Me: Oh me neither (it clicked! I knew who she was now. She was in my certified leadership program, but I still couldn't remember her name)
Her: Did you go back home this winter break?
Me: Yeah and you?
Her: No
Me: Oh, so when are you planning to go? This summer?
Her: No this summer I'll take a few classes and then fly to Canada to visit a friend
Me: Oh have you ever been to Canada?
Her: Yeah I used to study there
Me: (*facepalm) Oh yeah, yeah I remember. 

We said our goodbyes and on my way out was when I remembered her name: Cynthia. 

Two Main Types of Friendship

Along the years and the many different types of friendships I've had I can talk about two that really stand out: girlfriends and SOS BFFs. Personally I have both types of these kinds of friends, and I like them both, but I do classify myself in one of those categories. 

GIRLFRIENDS

These are the kind of BFFs you always find reading about in YA books, where the best friend always comes before the boyfriend. Currently I'm reading one right now lol. I find myself in this category, where I like to keep up with my friendships on a weekly basis, either texting, or skyping. I consider friendships a very important bond considering all I've been through and since then I've learned to never let them go or consider them in the palm of my hand. 

SOS BFFs

SOS BFFs are the kind of friends that are close to you and can go without talking to you for months and when they talk to you everything feels the same. No hard feelings, and mostly joy overflowing after months of not seeing each other. 

What happens when you mix these two kinds of friendships is chaos. The girlfriend thinks the SOS doesn't care and the SOS thinks the girlfriend is suffocating her. The key to this relationship, as to every other, is to compromise. To compromise, respect and tolerate each other's belief. 

Robbed Twice This Week!

The nerve in people who steal, God! People should understand that money and food comes from hard work, I'm not having dinner because I scam people, or stole a bank; I'm having dinner because my dad worked hard for it.
I understand that it may be hard to get on your own two feet, and that it might take a while; but why the fuck would you steal a bike's cup holder?! That makes not sense! It's obvious that the robber was not poor because cup holders are not worth hundred and cannot be consumed, then why the hell put people through this and make them feel mad about something so useless?! I paid for that cup holder and I earned that money (actually my dad), why the hell would you steal something that is not yours?

I am so mad at the people who yet don't understand morality and the principles of humanity, who yet don't understand the sentimental value one could have with an item; who yet are so egocentric they don't think about other people, who yet are so... I could call those people a million names, but I am not to judge.

The world is messed up because of people like you.

Being a Good Person is Directly Proportional to Having a Strong Conscience

Today I realized that good people have a very strong conscience. I have noticed throughout my whole high school that irresponsible people don't give a damn about the outcomes in whatever situation you are stressed about. A difference of them and me is that I agonize with my conscience for weeks, even months, and I can surely say years; when I do something wrong. 
Irresponsible people, and bad people seem to hide their guilt very well, if they have a conscience at all; but good people struggle with it every day until they do something good about it. And that's me. 
The thing about me is that I can't get myself together to do the right thing, or what socially and ethically seems to be the right thing, and if I do it always comes in a very awkwardly way. 
I despise my strong conscience, but at the same time I'm grateful for it because it let's me be humble and keep both of my feet on earth. 
To all those bad people out there, there's no shame in hiding your guilt, once you uncover it you'll change for the better. 

The Struggle

At the beginning of 2013 I was in FSU doing some courses in advance to being in USF, because I think FSU is easier due to the nationality of the professors (Panamanian) and the expectance of their students (who are also Panamanian). Hence, I was used to an easy life in FSU doing homework once or twice a week and studying for each test for 15 or 30 minutes. 

Now here at USF, where it is also harder; I took 7 courses compared to the 4 and 3 courses I took at FSU. I haven't felt this pressured and stressed since high school. Plus the responsibility of going out to eat, doing laundry (big time consumer), cleaning my room, exercising, and participating in organizations and other activities that may enhance my curriculum, I'm really feeling The Struggle. 

This last week I've heard "the struggle" like 10 times from 10 different people, it's not just me who is taking this transition a little overwhelming. The only difference is that those I've heard it from are taking 4 to 5 courses, while I'm here taking 7. 

I didn't just took 7 courses because I wanted to challenge myself, but my scholarship requires me to have 30 credits per year (15 per semester) and since I'm taking a couple of courses that only give you 1 credit (the labs), and a mandatory course which gives you none, I'm stuck with 7 courses. 

This weekend I got really stressed out due to the amount of school work I have for this week, but I took a moment and analyzed. I got to the conclusion that I was getting overly stressed, because I wanted to finish all my school work for the week in one weekend, which may be possible but a hell of a weekend. 

Right now I'm just taking one day at a time, and counting the days until my Christmas break (88 days for December 13th). 

"The Struggle" can be prevented with good time management and prioritizing. 

I'm Plain Naive

I used to trust people and expect to be trusted. Truth is I trust everyone and they don't trust me or I trust them and they take advantage of me. Recently I got hit by reality. I used to trust this person I considered one time on of my closest friends. Friends warned me she wasn't what she seemed on the outside but I protected her like a loyal friend would do. Turns out she's the monster everybody talks about and I realize after I got hit. I have learn the hard way to trust. It still hurts that as time goes by less friends you have, it breaks my heart that I gave her a lot of my love and care and received gossip and judgement from her. I lost a friend today, but I gained wisdom and certainty in who my real friends are. I wish I could say I no longer trust as hard as I did, but that's simply one of my flaws. However, I do consider that flaw as a strength because I rather be hurt than to hurt someone. I'm plain naive. 

Humanity

How can we understand people if we can't even make sense of what's in our minds? How can we help others we we can't even help ourselves? Maybe the answer is that you can't survive without human contact. You bring to the table what you've got even if it doesn't help you issues. We share our wisdom with the people that we love with nothing in return, and we receive advice from those who think could be useful. Many of you may disagree with me thinking the world is not what it used to be, or that humanity has never had compassion towards our own kind. But I always like to see the bright side of things, and hope that some stranger will do something kind for me as well as I'd do for any other human being. Kindness starts within ourselves. We have enough power to encourage people to follow our lead, and one at a time we can change this world's view into a better future. Hope can't be the only source of force that will change things, hope is only there struggling with the weight until enough of us care to help. I believe in human kindness, and I do everything I can to turn a bad day into a great day to strangers. Doing something has giving tips to a cashier, or petting someones dog. Those are the things that warm my heart, and motivates other to do the same. Humanity is in its way to better things. 

Family Sunday (6/30/2013)

Today mom and I went for lunch with my grandma and great grandmother to Multiplaza Mall. They ate at Crepes and Waffles while I ate chicken tenders from Carl's Jr. I know what you are thinking.. "How lame, you could have eaten a sophisticated crepe but chose mediocre chicken tenders". The thing is: I've always been like that. Choosing crappy food over luxurious one. After lunch we went and bought Cristy's birthday cake at Dairy Queen (Oreo Blizzard), then we stopped by the tech store to pick up dad's new tablet (which is totally a surprise) and finished our outing going to the super market. 

When we got back home mom went to charge the new tablet while I read my new book: "Beautiful Disaster" by Jamie McGuire which is turning out pretty good. Right now I'm about 50% of the book through and don't know how is it going to develop because there has been so much drama in this half of the book. Also the girl is finally with the guy who she's supposed to be, at the middle of the book. I have no idea what's coming ahead. 

At 6:30 we went to a Chinese Restaurant in celebration of Cristy's 23! The menu was kind of put together by her, so there was a lot of green stuff. Everybody showed up at the dinner, including my dad, Luis and David (Cristy's boyfriend). We had a nice time and specially enjoyed the birthday cake, yummy!

When we came back home we gave dad our present! He was so so so excited! I though he was going to be mad because we spend so much money on him, but he was actually thrilled to have a new toy. We spent about hour and a half installing his games, e-mail, and else. He was smiling the whole time, so happy we got him that; specially now that he is working on the mines and has nothing to do and no way of contacting with us. I miss him so much :( But I'm happy we got to put a smile on his face tonight. 

I'll miss my pop so much when I departure for college, and my mom too. Poor mom, she'll be alone at home, and dad alone at work, while I'll be alone at college. Either way we'll make it through.

I loved this day, primarily because of dad's face when he got his present. Life's not about presents and objects, it's about the joy that comes out of them, or out of anything. Material things are not bad ways of happiness, but is another source capable of giving us joy. 

Poem - "I Felt Alone, Then I Stood"

This is a poem I posted in my other blog Underground Poetry and is about how I felt when I was younger. I felt that I didn't fit anywhere because of who I was, and to be able to have a social life I needed to change. Now, I see that being who I am is the only way to make long lasting friendships and relationships. It brings me to tears the way children and teenagers have to learn that lesson by being bullied, or pressured into being someone they are not. I reread this poem every once in a while because it gives me confidence in knowing that what I'm doing is the right thing, and what I'm doing is simply being myself. Always stay true to yourself.

I felt alone in a dark room

where all eyes were on me

I tried to stand up, but slipped

and then everybody laughed

I feel embarrassment of living in my own skin

I feel alone because  nobody would love me

The problem is: I love who I am

And even if I get days like this, someday...

I will stand

I will stand tall with nothing to fear

I will surpass whatever you think of me

I may fall again and get punched in the face

But I will never give up on being who I am

You've bullied me enough, to the core you don't know

You got in my head and pretended nothing's wrong

You showed your pretty face while smiling away

Telling secrets of mine, leaving a scar behind. 

That scar will forever remain in my heart

You once were my friend, but now you're just a liar

I have stood in front of you for you to see

Nothing can scare me, not even my darkest dreams. 

S.K.

Seize the day!

Never regret, but do remember those regrets so the next time you won't regret. Learn from your actions, it doesn't matter if it's the third time you've made the same mistake as long as you learn from it someday. You only live once, you go out and seize the day; be kind to all, because they may lack something you have: the value of life. Happiness is contagious, go out there and spread the virus. 

To The Greatest of All:

Recently I went on a family trip to Seattle and Alaska. This may be one of the last trips we take together. My family is pretty close, we are 13 in total. That includes my parents, my two aunts, my uncle, my grandparents, my five cousins and me. This may be one of our last trips together because my grandparents are getting old, and the older you get the less chance you get to do stuff like walking the whole airport or touring through town. 

I never saw my grandpa the way I saw him on this trip. He always seem strong to me, he was able to build things in his wood shop and repair his house while taking care of everybody. But this trip he always stayed back saying he wouldn't be able to finish a tour because of the distance you had to walk. One of the things I hate and admire at the same time is his pride, because of that he denies help and misses on a lot of family quality time. We did had great moments. I do love that he is so childlike and fun to be with, and just thinking about it makes me smile. 

I am very grateful we made this trip, because although he missed some things I was able to realize I won't have my grandpa or grandma with me forever. My children may not even meet them. And they are truly the coolest grandparents you could ask for. I hope this is not the last trip we make together; but if it is, it was a great one. 

The Universe Is Telling Me Not To...

Have you watched the Something Old episode of "How I Met Your Mother"? Can the universe send signs? Do you believe in a bigger force, controlling everything else? I mean, not God, but something else. 

I believe in signs. But I do not believe they are sent from the space and beyond. Those signs are created by your own thoughts and beliefs. I mean, it can rain everyday right? But the day that you are getting married, or making a life changing choice it suddenly rain cats and dogs. 

Those signs you create, may be unconscious at first, but if you really think about it, those signs are really a manifest content of what's latent. In lamest terms: you saying that because is raining you can't do something, might mean that you are not ready or not comfortable with doing something. 

I suggest you to follow those signs, not because they are being send by the all-mighty-universe-know-it-all. But because what those signs really are, are your feelings. People, we actually, tend to lie to ourselves that something is right when it isn't. Listen to the signs, because those signs is you telling yourself what's right. 

You are the universe (Wow that was deep ha ha). 

The Supermarket Expedition

I love going to the supermarket. I love comparing brands and prices, and walking through the aisles while I pretend to skate with the shopping cart. You can do a lot of kind acts at the supermarket, reach something someone shorter can't, pick up something that fell, and make a baby smile while his/her parents are discussing which potato chip is healthier. 

I like to go to the supermarket because that means I'll eat what I want this week. I like to choose my own snacks, and have a say on what I want for dinner. I like the aura the supermarket's have, it's like a family kind of aura, where everyone has the same purpose. Food. Food brings family together. 

Then when I come home, to organize all the items I bought. To put in the fridge, freezer, cupboard, or the microwave to eat right away. Talking about microwaves, what do you think about TV dinners, frozen pizzas, or frozen breakfast? I think is awesome, if you don't want to cook and you live alone. From a family where the mom can't cook's point of view, TV dinners can save your night from the earthy tone meal mamma's making.

In summation, I love going to the supermarket because I have free will within my choice of food, I am a gold medalist in shopping cart races, and seeing babies makes me happy. 

A Powerful Mind - How To Manage Stress

There are two types of stress for me: the one where you are totally blocked and you barely make it through just before falling into the deadly tentacles of death, and the one where I feel it extremely easy to finish a task thanks to the motivation of stress.

Now. How do I transform the first type of stress (let's call it the Tentacles of Death), to the second type (the Anchor To Happiness)? For me it's simple, maybe for you it's different but we may have some similarities. What I do is visualize myself finishing everything I have to do, and when I finish visualizing it I realize it's really simple. And that whatever is stopping me from getting there is pure bullshit.

So whenever I'm blocked I just visualize, for example: today I have to study five chapters of Biology for the day after tomorrow. Gosh that sounds like a lot doesn't it? Well maybe if I just spend an hour on each chapter without any distractions, I might finish and still have time to catch up on my reading this week (It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini, that's where I got the tentacles and anchor stuff).

The only obstacle in between you and your Anchor of Happiness is yourself (actually just your mind), and how can you counter the Tentacle of Death? With mind itself. Mind vs. mind. You are your own enemy.

Recommended book: It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini, what I learn from this book (and I haven't finish it yet) is that school might seem like a huge problem, like getting a job and having a place to live are all you need. But really, that's not the meaning of life. It's not up to me to describe what's its meaning, but I think you get the idea.

The Best Friend Argument

What is a best friend? What's its role? Is a best friend suppose to be talking, or texting with you 24/7 or is it someone that casually texts you but you know is always there for you when you need him/her.

How do you know he or she is your best friend? Is it reciprocal? Can I be your best friend while you have another one who's not me?

I have three best friends, one is my boyfriend so he doesn't count, so the point is: one is always texting with me and we spend hours and hours talking non sense (I like that), and the other one is the total opposite, the other one just talks to me when she/he needs something. 
How do I know if it's reciprocal? With girls it's pretty easy, they just tell you "you are my best friend and you'll always be", the tricky thing is that how am I sure? I don't know why but with boys you just know you are close, but how close?

What's my role? With either one, is to be there for them. There to just listen and not judge. But sometimes it's hard for me... Because how can you be so good if in your mind you think the friendship it's not reciprocal. 

Something that bothers me a lot, that shouldn't bother me, is that just because you are the "best friend", they can treat you as they wish because they know you'll never leave. And they treat a less close friend better than they treat you. I did that once and I'm terribly ashamed. I'm not judging because I have done it too, but if they already know how I feel: why keep doing it? I'm kind of jealous, you know? I just want to be heard and to be trusted.

A best friend for me is something very VERY delicate. Trust is something very valuable as well as honesty. Without those two factors there's no friendship. 

With the reciprocal issue, I just risk myself, because I've lost too many friends, and even if it's not reciprocal I want to give all I've got, to never feel regret. I know it is not fair to me, but I just want to sent outward what I feel inside. Pure love.

The Favor Protocol

Hi, how are you? It's been a while huh? - says a person who usually doesn't talk to you. And you and I both know what's coming ahead.
Hmm all good here, what about you? - I reply.
I'm good too. Hey, can I ask you something? - And here comes what we all know.. A damn favor. There's gotta be somebody you know that only talks to you to ask for a favor. I get so annoyed, but obviously I don't show it because it would be rude, so instead I post it here because I know there's gotta be someone else who can relate to me.

And after they go through the protocol  and ask you for the favor, which you heartily decline, comes the final protocol:
So what are you up too? What have you been doing? We should hang out. This is a pattern I've noticed in every person who asks for a favor, of course is obvious to do it because it seems to be the right thing. But for me.. It just annoys me even more because you act like you are casually talking with me, when your real motives are just plain selfish. 

Meanwhile I just tell myself to: Be patient. Be nice to people. Breathe.